Life is full of up and downs, and with a child with CHD, the ride seems to be continuous.
Noah had his yearly cardiology appointment, which ALWAYS turns me into a ball of nerves for days preceding the actual appointment. Having to take your child to a cardiologist is one of those things that is hard to 'explain' to a parent of a healthy kiddo. It isn't somewhere you ever want to have to take your child, but it is our reality.
As usual, I had to keep convincing myself that everything was fine, he is fine, he has not been complaining about any of the symptoms that we are always watching out for. I told myself to relax, because it would be over soon, and they would tell us everything looked perfect...see ya next year. Everything was moving along smoothly....the echo went good. Really quick and they saw everything they needed to. We went to our room, and they came in to check his saturation levels. They were at 97% on room air....which is amazing for him. Good....one more thing out of the way. They hooked him up and did his EKG and we just waited for the Dr. to come in and tell us to get the heck out of there.
Well....that didn't happen. After all the good news that was making my butterflies disappear, we were hit with the fact that his EKG was not normal. So now we have him hooked up to a Halter monitor to see how his heart functions daily with his normal activity. If it looks good, the will use the results as a baseline for any future tests. If it is not normal, we will be having a discussion about having surgery to put in a pacemaker. This was NOT something I was prepared for, or something I even thought of as a possibility. A pacemaker, I know, is something some heart kids have. However, I thought that kids that were 'sick' had pacemakers, and I don't view Noah as sick, so I am worried. I am terrified, is more like it. I will focus on all the great news we received today...but I would be lying if I didn't admit that my brain is swelling with questions and fear.
I held it together really good while we were with Noah. We even teased him about looking like Iron Man with the Halter monitor on. But the second I was alone, the second I was out of his sight, I lost it. I had a 3 hour meltdown that I am trying to recover from. I am grateful for science, and the ability to intervene and correct something now if needed. But, I am a MOMMY, and I am scared, and worried, and full of love my little man who means the world to me.